Jenny, and the reporter and the photographer are looking for a scoop (Song : 'You've Been Papped'). The first Act closes with Pat dreamily wishing for a star-studded future. (Song : 'I Want To Be A Celebrity'). In the morning, with the new 'therapies' in full swing, (Song : 'The Sing-a-long Therapy Thing'), there is a more traditional farce as patients and ‘therapists’ pop in and out of the make-shift therapy rooms in a succession of complicated manoeuvres, narrowly avoiding revealing their ‘naked’ forms to the audience (this is carefully scripted with helpful rehearsal diagrams). CAST: Principals: 4 male, 10 female Plus many names parts and a large chorus Principals • Valerie : 50-60, the owner and manager of Celebrity Sanctuary • Pat : 30-50, Valerie’s loyal retainer, optimistic, resourceful and practical, unsophisticated • Melanie : 40+, a patient at the Sanctuary, D-list celebrity with pretensions of being A-list (**) • Angela : 40-55, a patient at the Sanctuary, an ageing nymphomaniac (==) • Mrs Hewitt : 30+ the Manager of Sunny Seniors Old People Home, likes discipline, a control freak • Iris : 60+, pretends to be ga-ga, in reality is a clever jewel thief, the home is a cover for fencing • Joan : 60+, reasonably compos mentis, friendly, helpful, a bit chaotic, has bladder problems • Joanna : 60+ , also compos mentis, efficient, a natural leader, becomes the old folks spokesperson • Josephine : 60+, another reasonably compos mentis person, slightly cynical and subversive • Jenny : 20-30, estranged daughter of Valerie, wants to secretly meet before revealing herself • Reporter : 20+ (male), incompetent but thinks otherwise (**) • John : 20-40, Jenny’s jealous fiancée (==) • Mario : 25-40, a gigolo, Angela’s latest paramour (==) • Photographer : 20-40, would much prefer to be a fashion photographer Supporting Cast • Betty : 60+, once a servant in stately homes, is mistaken for an ageing courtesan • Ellen McDonald : 60+, somewhat confused, thinks she is ‘Victoria’, cooks with inappropriate ingredients • Mrs Cousins : 92, an ‘inmate’ at Sunny Seniors • Joe : 60+, an ‘inmate’ at Sunny Seniors, somewhat lascivious • Gerry Jackal : 25+ (but should be ten years younger than Melanie), a jewel thief • The Workman : 25+ • Adrian Cousins : 55-65, Mrs Cousins son, desperate to be associated with celebrities • Policeman : 30+ • Chorus Old Folk, Police Notes : (==) the person playing this role must be comfortable to appear on stage dressed only in a towel (**) the person playing this role must be comfortable to appear on stage apparently naked behind a towel MUSICAL NUMBERS 1. Overture - Orchestra 2. Prologue - Departure Orchestra 3. Sod's Law - Pat, Angela & part-chorus 4. Sunny Seniors Are Us - Chorus 5. A Tight Ship - Mrs Hewitt, Josephine & Chorus 6. Count On Us - Joanna & Chorus 7. For Once In My Life - Jenny 8. Ever So Discreet - Valerie & Chorus
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