And Jetsam." Mehitabel outlines her life history in the song, a tale of woe, and Archy describes how unfortunate it is to be an insect at the bottom of the food chain, "lower than the lowly worms," where the only things lower are germs. Both admit they are just drifting and dreaming of something better than what they've got. Meanwhile at least they have each other. Perhaps determined to reform, Mehitabel decides to get herself a respectable position as a housecat. Archy is overjoyed just as the debonair old tomcat Tyrone T. Tattersall, a revered figure of the theatre, saunters by, warming up his vocal chords with a bit of "me, me, me... me-ow." Tyrone's gallantry turns Mehitabel into a smitten kitten, all blushes and giggles, and he promises to make her a star. Archy attempts to block the seduction - getting a whiff of Mehitabel's old bent toward decadence - but Tyrone is brimming with charm, and she buys it hook, line and sinker. Off they go. Forlorn, the little cockroach confides again in the "boss," typing out "Archy's Suicide Song" in which, to his frustration, the heavy-hearted but lightweight bug relates his attempt to leap out the window of the sixth floor, only to find himself floating up weightlessly to the eighth. Meanwhile the thespian Tyrone endeavours to turn Mehitabel into a legitimate actress, but all is not going well. She gives him "fish and affection," but talent? No! To salve his wounded pride, he sings "The Actor Cat," recalling his glory days in the theatre when, in a pinch, he was called upon to play a bloodhound, and on another occasion, coming to an actor's rescue, once played a beard. Next comes the Mehitabel dramatic lesson with readings from Shakespeare leading into her song reciting "Romeo, Romeo" to a jazz beat as the eminent Shakespearean scholar Tyrone, in horror, abandons her on the spot. Her reaction: "And to think... I gave that big bum the best two weeks of my life!" Act II The voice of the newspaperman brings us up-to-date. Tyrone has gone on the road to fame and misfortune, and Mehitabel is back to her solo act among the alley cats downtown. But Archy tries to turn a deaf ear and declares he's through with that wayward puss and resorts to his literary pursuits to sublimate. And, of course, true to form, considers suicide again. Then he happens to read an item in the society column that Mehitabel is a mother. Kittens! Six! Archy, traumatized, rushes out in search of her. The lady cats of the neighbourhood caterwaul a lullaby to the little ones, but Mehitabel is not a joyful mother. The kittens will interfere with her career. Archy arrives at the ash can nursery just as it's started to rain and water is collecting in the can. Archy pleads with Mehitabel to save the little things from drowning, but she turns a deaf ear. He continues pleading until she finally relents and rescues the brood. She softens ... a bit (sentimentality is not in Mehitabel's gene pool) and decides to go straight and answer a want ad for a house cat in the high rent district. She knocks at an enormous door and is ushered in for an interview. Weeks go by. Back at the newspaper office Archy paces nervously. No mail. No word from Mehitabel. The scene shifts to an indolent Mehitabel stretched out on a bear skin rug, a ribbon about her neck, sipping cream through a straw... but bored. The household that keeps the cat sings a "Pretty Kitty" ditty but Mehitabel treats all the attention with disdain. Archy, missing her painfully, pays her a visit, gaining entrance through a keyhole. She levels her complaints about her luxurious but apathetic life, playing with a ball, rolling on a rug, and blames Archy for getting her into this situation. She runs him out then sings guiltily about mistreating him when she knows he's the best friend she ever had. Archy picks up the song walking alone along the lonely streets, regretting that the fire that once lit up her eyes has diminished in her current, comfortable and secure situation. Back at the newsroom, the reporter is shocked to discover Archy there drinking. The little cockroach is drunk and staggers out of the press room and in a stupor encounters some ladybirds of the evening who sing the "Lady Bug Song," trying to seduce him and lure him into their den of iniquity. In his inebriated state, his pockets are duly emptied by the ladybirds during the course of a frolicsome dance. But all they discover are bits of verse. The big thug, Big Bill, appears again on the scene and, hovering over a collapsed Archy, considers the fact that the little fellow really loves Mehitabel and proceeds to roar with laughter. Archy is back at the newsroom. ‘How did he get there?’ he asks his writer-pal, ‘Did she bring him back?’
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