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I Can't Sing

ics2 Act Musical: Music Steve Brown; Lyrics Harry Hill & Steve Brown; Book Harry Hill. - Based on the television show, The X Factor
London Palladium - Premiere 26 March 2014 - Closed 10 May, 2014


The tale starts in a suburban house in 1971 with a schoolboy Simon dreaming of how he will make a fortune.

The main story is about X Factor hopeful Chenice, a would-be astrobiologis twho lives in a caravan under a flyover with her terminally ill grandfather in an iron lung, and Max, a ukulele-playing plumber.. She is persuaded by her adoring plumber, to audition for The X Factor. She has never heard of X Factor but it could be her route out of poverty.Their romance blooms as everything around them shimmers with glitz and deception.

We follow the fortunes of Chenice whose grim back-story makes her the envy of her fellow contestants, and Max, her troubadour plumber from Rochdale who yearns to get back to descaling shower-heads. Neither is comfortable in the mould reality TV tries to squash them into.

Chenice and Max becoming finalists and their burgeoning love is jeopardised by Machiavellian, behind-the-scenes manouevring.

Musical numbers

Act I

  1. If That's Not Entertainment
  2. It Could Be Me
  3. Life Is Lovely
  4. Please Simon
  5. All Woman
  6. I Can't Sing!
  7. Better than That
  8. The Hugging Song
  9. Missing You Already
  10. X Factor Fever

Act II

  1. Here Come the Judges
  2. Uncomplicated Love
  3. Falling in Love with Myself
  4. Make a Wish... It Happens
  5. Fabulous
  6. A Song I Wrote for You
  7. X-Tasy
  8. Journey to a Dream