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The Dairymaids

A Farcical Musical Comedy in 2 Acts and 3 scenes by Alexander M. Thompson and Robert Courtneidge; Music by Paul A. Rubens and Frank E. Tours.
Lyrics by Paul A. Rubens and Arthur Wimperis

Apollo Theatre, London - 14 April, 1906 - 8 December, 1906 (239 perfs)
Criterion Theatre, New York, - 26 August, 1907 - 16 November, 1907 (86 perfs)
Queen's Theatre, London - 5 May, 1908 - 18 July, 1908 (83 perfs)
Aldwych Theatre, London - 22 May, 1915 - 5 June, 1915 (18 perfs)


Winifred and Peggy are the `Dairymaids' of the title. In fact, they are nothing of the sort, but are merely going through the motions on a model dairy farm run by Lady Brudenell who has ideas on The Forming of the Youthful Mind. While the good lady is away, her nephews Sam and Frank arrive and begin to dally with the heroines. In the other corner, the servant Joe Mivens is making his advances to the pert maid. Now Lady Brudenell arrives home, bringing with her a fourth pair of sweethearts — her ward, Hélène and Captain Leverton — and angrily returns her errant protegées to the confines of Miss Penelope Pyechase's boarding school.

After a brief glimpse at the shipboard quarters of the nautical nephews, the scene moves to the gymnasium of the school where the lads arrive, disguised as schoolgirls, to indulge in more fun, more love making, songs and dances until all is sorted out matrimonially.

Musical Numbers

  1. Opening Chorus - "Dairymaids we of alluring rusticity, beauties whose freshness is all unadorned..."
  2. Song - Winifred & Chorus - "Marjorie worked on a country farm, she rose at six, fed the chicks..."
  3. Chorus - Entrance of Frank - "They're here, 'tis they without a doubt, there's Master Sam and Master Frank..."
  4. Duet - Sam & Peggy - "What a lot you must have been about, if the tales you tell are true..."
  5. Song - Eliza - "There was once a pretty maid in the milk and butter trade..." (three verses)
  6. Concerted Number - "Oh the farmer's life is the best of all, for the old ones, yes, and the young ones..."
  7. Song - Hélène - "Love, they say, grew tired of town-- vanish'd was his old renown..."
  8. Sextet - Peggy, Hélène, Winnie, Sam, Fred & Frank - "Little Bo Peep, she tended sheep..."
  9. Song - Peggy & Men's Chorus - "In a certain village there liv'd a maid, a gen'ral favourite she..."
  10. Duet - Joe & Sam - "Poaching is a dangerous career, that's what makes it fascinate you..."
  11. Finale Act I - "We, as the tenantry, welcome 'The Quality', holiday-making with jesting and jollity..."
  12. Chorus of Men, with Dr. O'Bryne - "With a luncheon that's fit for a King, and a circle of jolly good fellows..."
  13. Gymnasium Chorus - "For improvement of the figure and deportment, for conducing to the cult of force and vim..."
  14. Song - Winifred - "Little boy of today, you're atrocious! You're a man by the time that you're ten..." (four verses)
  15. Song - Eliza - "I'm a servant, and I must confess that I try to do all in my pow'r to succeed..." (three verses)
  16. Song - Peggy & Chorus - "The Gibson girl and the Bath bun girl, all the world has come to know..." (three verses)
  17. Song - Sam - "I belong to a dear little club where we women have terrible larks..." (three verses)
  18. Song - Captain Fred, with Girls' Chorus - "Now boys and girls have all been told that when the dustmen creep..."
  19. Song - Hélène - "When all the Eastern sky's a-blush with rosy flush of day new-born..."
  20. Duet - Sam & Peggy - "Mary and Jane were two little girls with babyish caps and innocent curls..."
  21. Song - Sam & Chorus - "I've had some frights awake at night, I've had some shocks by day..."
  22. Quartet - Peggy, Winnie, Sam, Frank & Chorus - "The Fates be kind to us tonight..."
  23. Finale Act II - "See the old sea serpent swimming in the sea..."


  1. Song - Hélène & Chorus - "On a sea-girt cliff grew a budding rose, and oh, she was fair to see..."

Scenes and Settings


Lady Brudenell
Sam Brudenell
Frank Brudenell
Capt. Fred Leverton . .
Dr O'Byrne
Joe Mivens
Tim Capus
Lt. Brereton
Jack Biffen

Miss Penelope Pyechase
The Sandow Girls

American Version

  1. Opening Chorus (Music by Frank E. Tours.)
  2. "Home Again" (Music by Frank E. Tours.)
  3. "It's Naughty to Be Kissed" (Duet) (Music by William T. Francis. Lyrics by J. B. Loughrey.) - Peggy
  4. "(I Must Have) A Lot of Little Girls All 'Round Me" (Music by Frank E. Tours. Lyrics by Paul Rubens.) Joe
  5. Quarrel Duet (Music and Lyrics by J. J. Montague and Paul Rubens.)
  6. "I've a Million Reasons Why I Love You" (Music by Jerome Kern. Lyrics by M. E. Rourke.)
  7. "How the Winds Blow" (Music by Frank E. Tours.)
  8. "Lazyland" (Music by Paul Rubens.)
  9. "Tinker, Tailor" - (Music by Paul Rubens.) Peggy, Male Chorus
  10. "Poaching" (Duet) (Music by Paul Rubens.) - Joe
  11. Finale Act 1
  12. "Gymnasium Chorus" (Music by Paul Rubens.)
  13. "Hello, Little Stranger" (Hullo! Little Stranger!) (Music by Paul Rubens. Lyrics by Arthur Wimperis.) - Winifred
  14. "Wild Rose" - Hélène
  15. Swimming song - Hélène
  16. "The Hay Ride" (Music by Jerome Kern. Lyrics by M. E. Rourke.)
  17. "(Never Marry a Girl with) Cold Feet" (Music by Jerome Kern. Lyrics by M. E. Rourke.)
  18. "(The) Sandow Girl" (Music and Lyrics by Paul Rubens.) - Peggy
  19. "(Let's All Go) Down the Strand" (Music and Lyrics by E. G. McLellan and Bernard Rolt.)
  20. "Mary McGee" (Music by Jerome Kern. Lyrics by M. E. Rourke.) - Dr. O'Byrne
  21. "(In) Barcelona" (Music by James W. Tate. Lyrics by Eustace Baynes and Vernon Roy.)
  22. "Oh, Mr. Brown" (Music by Harry Von Tilzer. Lyrics by Andrew B. Sterling.)
  23. "Dat Friend of Mine" (Music by Egbert Van Alstyne and Harry Williams.)
  24. "I'd Like to Meet Your Father" (Music by Jerome Kern. Lyrics by M. E. Rourke.) - Peggy, Frank
  25. "Good Night" (Music by Paul Rubens.)
  26. "In the Twi-Twi-Twilight" (Music and Lyrics by Charles Wilmot and Herman E. Darewski, Jr.)