Phantom of the Country Opera
Music by Michael Duff. Lyrics by Cheri Coons. Book by Sean Grennan and Kathy Santen
Synopsis
This hilarious country and western send-up of "The Phantom of the Opera" takes place backstage at the Country Palace in Nashville, Tennessee, where former operatic ingenue Christina Joseph gets a job singing back-up to the "Reigning Queen of Country Music." Changing her name to Chrissy Joe Jenkins, Christina finds a mentor in Aaron, the mysterious janitor who turns out to be a closet composer with a fabulous recording studio in the Palace's basement, who guides her to stardom at the Country Palace...
Story
At La Scala., we see "backstage" and "onstage" spaces.
The ensemble, Gabriella, Antonio and Chrissy are performing "onstage." The
two divas are trying mightily to upstage each other. "Ho paura molto
agitato quatro fromaggi!" and "Mezzo-soprano Lucretia Borgia," they
sing. The upstaging continues until Gabriella begins her dramatic death, "Salmonella!
Salmonella!," and she dies. The Gabriella exits to the "backstage
area." She complains to her husband Carlo that the American has
upstaged her and demands that she be fired. "But the Opera, she's
not finished!" Gabriella will take Chrissy's place for the second
act.
Chrissy enters the backstage and Carlo kisses her hand saying the contracts
for the next season are ready. She hesitates. Though her successful opera
career is what her mother always wanted, Chrissy is not happy. Just as
she resolves to quit, she is summoned back to America by the Guild of
Opera artists. She sings "Somebody's Calling Me Home," as the
rest of the ensemble continues the Opera onstage. Chrissy prepares for
her entrance. The ensemble is dancing in a large vat of grapes "Scusi!
Scusi! Basta Jacuzzi." Meanwhile, Gabriella, dressed in an identical
costume, enters from the other side. They both sing while the ensemble
tries to figure out whom to follow. In a panic, Carlo calls out to bring
down the curtain. The chandelier appears from above. The music continues
as lights fade; a singer holds a note while the underlying music becomes
more "country." The singer’s upper costume tears away
revealing a country costume.
Now Carlo is in front of The Country Palace. He sings "Street Singer." A
chorus of guys and gals enters singing "everybody here's got a
suitcase full of rhinestone, fringe and cowboy boots/and everybody here's
got a briefcase full of two-step tunes and heartache." As they sing,
Chrissy and Skipper enter, when suddenly a pickpocket removes Chrissy's
wallet from her purse. Skipper trips him as he tries to get away. Officer
Tammy Fay June Ellie Fay Crenshaw arrives and demands the wallet from
the thief warning him "I am a weapon." Skipper pipes in "Youth
Nabs Cornpone Capone--Nashville safe again!" (Skipper reads the
Inquirer and the Star every week and can't help making headlines for
everything he experiences.) Skipper introduces himself as Sally Barker’s
son, the Queen of Country. He asks Chrissy if she'd like to go to hear
his mother sing. Skipper and Chrissy sing a reprise of "Country
Tune."
Inside the Country Palace, Skipper and Chrissy find their seats. Major
Billy introduces his wife Miss Sally. She sings about her life as a hog-butcher's
daughter in "Sally" "It was being reared with ham that
got me where I am." She starts another song but is interrupted by
the entrance of a flying pig. They decide to call it a night, reminding
the audience that the big Country Music Extravaganza is only two days
away. Major Billy flirts with one of the backup singers, Sally gets mad,
has her fired and sets an audition for tomorrow morning to replace her.
Though Chrissy has never done that kind of singing, Skipper talks her
into going to the audition. If all goes well, they can make their debut
together.
In Sally's dressing room, Sally and Billy start a fight singing "For
Better, for Worse." "I am the headlights, you are the deer....
I am the trailer, you're the tornado." By the end of the song they've
made up. But Sally can't understand why things keep going wrong right
in the middle of her songs. Maybe it's your ghost, he speculates. He
tells her that he's invited all of Hollywood's head honchos to a big
party for the Country Palace. But only Hocus Focus Films accepted, in
the person of Mort de Soleil. They're hoping to be discovered. They sing
a reprise of "For Better for Worse." Clive, the stage manager,
announces that a " life or death" message has arrived for Miss
Sally "from a Phantom Friend." Suddenly, the flying pig drops
from the ceiling, hung from a noose. We hear a voice from off stage threatening
her with more than just "technical difficulties," if she sings "If
I Could Hold You" again. Major Billy lets out a stunned "Soo-ee!"
The next day at the backup auditions, Clive addresses Chrissy and some
other auditioners and Officer Crenshaw. Major Billy, Sally and Skipper
enter and sit at the audition table. One by one the other singers fail
to sings a high C until Chrissy nails it. She’s hired and it’s
time for Major Billy to “get better acquainted.” Clive saves
her from Billy’s advances having her fill out her W-4 and Over-size
Wig Consent Form. Chrissy meets the other backup singers, June and Patsy
who advise her that the best way to keep Billy at bay is keep mentioning
his wife, Sally. Billy shoes the others away to begin his private tutoring
session with Chrissy. He gets a little fresh and she tells him where
to get off just as some bales of hay start to fall around them. As Billy
decides to grab some Barbecue, Aaron--a stagehand--arrives. Stacking
the bales, he tells her ominously that there are no such things as ghosts.
The next morning, Chrissy arrives early to find Aaron already setting
up the stage. He tells her that he recognizes her from articles about
La Scala but her secret is safe with him. A telegram arrives from Antonio
in La Scala and she sings of what he writes in “A Telegram,” while
Aaron listens nearby. He desperately misses her and “desperate
men do desperate things.” Sally, Clive and the others arrive—including,
Andrew, Lloyd and Weber—and the rehearsal begins “Country
Music Rehearsal.” It doesn’t go well for Chrissy. She goes
off to find a place to rehearse.
In a subterranean recording studio, Aaron is mooning over a picture of
Chrissy; she enters. She tells him about the rehearsal and he offers
to help, singing “Voice Lesson.” She opens up to him, telling
of the father she never knew. He reminds her that she must sing with
her heart. All she need do is remember her mother and the love that she
gave her in “Two Roads Meet.” Chrissy finds her true voice
again singing a reprise of “Somebody’s Calling Me Home.” He
offers to let her sing his song “If I Could Hold Youl” “You
wrote this? It’s a classic! Aaron, who are you?” He tells
her it’s a long story. She gets a little spooked and leaves.
With a half-hour to go before the Extravaganza, Mort de Soliel (of Hocus
Focus Pictures) and his assistant, Crystal Light introduce themselves
to Billy and Sally. Aaron is hovering in the background. He can’t
wait to hear “If I Could Hold You.” They leave. Sally plays
a tape that the Phantom left her. It demands that they feature Chrissy
in the Extravaganza. Sally wants to show this guy whose boss and fire
Chrissy right away, but since they need her tonight they agree to fire
her in the morning. Billy and Sally sing a reprise of “For Better,
For Worse.” Later, Aaron hypnotizes Sally instructing her to give
Chrissy a chance.
Onstage the show is beginning. Major Billy introduces the chorus and
they sing “Extravaganza Montage.” The Hoggettes—Patsy,
June and Chrissy—continue the song as we hear Billy instructing
Aaron to release the 2,000 helium balloons only on cue. A male quartet
enters and sings “Does Your Daddy Know You Like to Kiss Cowboys?” Next
on the program, Skipper dedicates his song to Chrissy “The Train
of Adolescence.” “The train of Adolescence is runnin’ down
my track./ I’m seven miles from puberty, and I ain’t turnin’ back.” Aaron
passes his hand over Sally’s face just as she prepares to enter. “Your
country days are over” say he. Sally starts to sing “If I
Could Hold You,” but keeps mingling in bits of opera and other
songs. Mort and Crystal get up and leave. Who can save the show? Chrissy
knows the song! She sings it and it’s a triumph. The ensemble joins
her and they sing “Country Music is My Home—Finale.” Sally
sees what’s happening from offstage and turns on the helium tanks.
Just as Chrissy is finishing her triumphal debut, she suddenly starts
to sound like a chipmunk.
Skipper is reading the National Enquirer on the steps of the Palace,
joined by the ensemble as he sings “Night of Terror, . . . Helium
Cologne threatens pretty unknown.” As the song continues, Sally—in
a neck brace—is in her dressing room being questioned by Officer
Crenshaw; Major Billy is reading a tabloid. Mort and Crystal appear speaking
with their Japanese owners. The boss orders them back to Nashville: Sally’s
faux pas has made her more popular than ever.
In a restaurant, Chrissy and Antonio read the stories in the tabloids: “Satan
Worship Blamed for Back-up Singer’s Dirty Tricks.” Antonio
tries to convince Chrissy to return to the opera: he’ll change
cities, commission a new work—based on Cat on a Hot Tin Roof. “Very
modern. Nobody like.” The other back-up singers, Judy and Patsy
come in with their dates. Antonio sings a fable of his love for Chrissy
in “An Open Door.” She sings “Maybe you can help me
find an open door.”
During a candlelight vigil on the steps of the Palace, the ensemble sings “God
Save Our Glorious Queen. We shall lubricate her larynx with the tears
we shed today”. Uncle Billy appears and introduces Sally, who outstretches
her arms and says “People of Nashville, don’t weep for me.” She
collapses dramatically into Billy’s arms as Chrissy and Antonio
enter. The fans clamor for Chrissy’s autograph and the reporters
try to learn more about her--including who Antonio is. Skipper watches
from afar seeing his love slip away. Sally sees her fans slipping away
and convinces Billy to fire Chrissy. He agrees and they’re off
to ease the stress of it all with a bottle of Jack Daniel’s and
some Twinkie’s. Clive enters to find Officer Crenshaw donning a
helmet and breastplate as an undercover disguise. The outfit sets the
sparks between them ablaze, they kiss hungrily and leave.
The next afternoon, backstage at the Palace the ensemble is arriving
and rehearsal is about to begin. Aaron is mopping the floor as Chrissy
enters and is summoned to Sally’s dressing room. Aaron warns her
not to take this ‘star’ talk too seriously or she’ll
end up like Sally. Skipper enters and tells Chrissy that he saw her together
with Antonio the other day and he is willing to step aside. They agree
to be friends and Chrissy heads for Sally’s dressing room.
Billy greets Chrissy in the dressing room, says that she’s stirred
up the ghost with her performance and fire’s her. Chrissy sees
a paper cup fall from the rafters and—knowing that it’s Aaron’s—she
hides it behind her back.
Chrissy searches the subterranean recording studio for Aaron. She’s
figured it out and threatens to expose him as the ghost. He sings of
his own lost dreams of being a star performer in “Ghost Town.” She
sings that she’s made her own like and can take care of herself.
He replies “ . . . close to you is someone that you’ve known
before/ Funny how life brought you back to me.”
Backstage at the Palace, Billy receives a fax from Mort de Soliel suggesting
a movie deal for both Sally and Skipper. The fax cautions that although
he enjoyed the comedy, Sally still needs to sing for the deal to work.
Aaron—whose been ‘cleaning’ in the background--suggests
that they have Sally lip-synch just like they did in "Singing in
the Rain.”
Meanwhile, Chrissy, shaken from her encounter with Aaron, meets June
and Patsy in the dressing room. Skipper enters and tells her about his
screen test tomorrow morning. Sally interrupts them and tells Chrissy
about the lip-synching scheme: she’s gotta do it or else Sally
won’t let Skipper have the screen test. Chrissy agrees to lip-synch
for Sally’s audition. Sally leaves as Antonio enters dressed in
an outrageous cowboy outfit and sings “Spaghetti Western.” Chrissy
loves his performance but Antonio says he tried to fit in to Chrissy’s
world but it just doesn’t work. He’s going back to Italy.
The Palace stage. Skipper and Sally perform their screen test with Sally
overacting grandly and Crystal groaning on every line. They begin Sally’s
song; Chrissy sings from behind a banner advertising pork rinds while
Sally moves her lips. As the song proceeds Aaron raises the banner to
expose the fraud. All hell breaks lose. Billy fires Aaron. Mort decides
to reshoot the scene with Chrissy in the lead. He loves her; she’s
cast! As a consolation, Sally gets to be the grandmother. They’re
all off to LA tomorrow. Billy puts Clive in charge of the Palace and
Clive’s first act is to rehire Chrissy. Now, she must choose between
the glamour of Hollywood and the music of Nashville. Aaron appears and,
trying to convince her to stay, shows her an unknown verse of “If
I Could Hold You (Duet Reprise).” They sing it together, revealing
that he is the father that abandoned both Chrissy and her mother long
ago. Chrissy is shocked and doesn’t know how to respond. Aaron
rushes off. Skipper enters ready to leave, Chrissy hesitates and then
decides to stay at the Palace, singing “Somebody’s Calling
Me Home—Reprise”. Chrissy goes off to find her father.
The subterranean recording studio. Chrissy enters looking for Aaron but
finds that he’s left. A recording of his voice explains that she’s
better off without him. Chrissy joins the recording in song “Fly
Away/ If I Could Hold You (Finale)”. As the song continues, we
see Chrissy’s future, as she becomes a star, receives awards and
is mobbed by fans. Chrissy’s father appears among the fans and
Chrissy and her father embrace as the curtain falls.
Musical Numbers
- Somebody's Calling Me Home - Chrissy, Gabriella, Antonio,
Ensemble
- Did
You Want To Hear A Country Tune? - Street Singer, Skipper,
Chrissy, Ensemble
- Hog
Butcher's Daughter - Sally, Back-up Girls
- If
I Could Hold You - Sally
- For Better, For Worse - Sally, Major Billy
- The Audition - Auditioner, Crenshaw
- A Telegram - Antonio
- Voice Lesson - Aaron, Chrissy
- Two Roads Meet - Aaron, Chrissy
- Does Your Daddy Know You Like To Kiss Cowboys - Male Quartet
- Train Of Adolescence - Skipper
- If I Could Hold You - Chrissy
- Country Music Is My Home - Chrissy, Ensemble
- Night Of Terror - Skipper, Patsy, June, Crystal, Ensemble
- An Open Door - Chrissy, Antonio
- God Save Our Glorious Queen - Fan #1, Ensemble
- Ghost
Town - Aaron, Chrissy, Women
- Spaghetti Western - Antonio, Men
- Fly Away/If I Could Hold You - Aaron, Chrissy, Ensemble
Cast:
8 men, 6 women, chorus
Instrumentation:
Reed (flute/clarinet/tenor sax), trumpet db. flugelhorn, trombone, percussion, Guitar I (acoustic/electric/steel guitar), Guitar II (electric/acoustic/banjo), keyboard, Violin I (violin/ mandolin), Violin II (violin/viola), double bass db. bass guitar