The Toxic Avenger
One Act Pop / Rock Musical: Book and Lyrics by Joe DiPietro; Music and Lyrics by David Bryan; Based on Lloyd Kafuman's film of the same name
New World Stages, Off-Broadway - 6th April, 2009 - 3rd January, 2010 (300+ perfs)
Melvin Ferd the Third wants to clean up Tromaville, the most polluted town in New Jersey (just off Exit 13B on the Turnpike). Foiled by the on-the-take mayor’s bullies, Melvin is dumped into a vat of radioactive toxic waste, only to reemerge as THE TOXIC AVENGER, New Jersey’s first superhero.
Lights up on the most traditional of all musical settings - a toxic waste dump off the New Jersey Turnpike. As the citizens of Tromaville cry for help Melvin Ferd the Third, an aspiring earth scientist, vows to clean up the state. Everyone is skeptical.
At the Tromaville Library, Melvin visits Sarah, the town's beautiful, blind librarian. Barely able to contain his unrequited love, Melvin informs her that horrible vats of toxic goo have appeared all over Tromaville and he is determined to find out who's responsible and put a stop to them. Sarah, turned on by his environmental heroism, asks to feel his face. He reluctantly allows her and Sarah quickly realizes that she is not attracted to him one bit. She points him to the official town records, where Melvin makes a shocking discovery. At Tromaville City Hall, Mayor Babs Belgoody expresses her unbridled ambition to become New Jersey's governor. But Melvin enters with evidence that will defer her dream - he has discovered that the kick-back happy Mayor is the person who is allowing Tromaville to be overrun by toxic waste. Thinking quick, the Mayor promises to change her evil ways and make Melvin her deputy. When Melvin leaves, she immediately orders her two goons, Sluggo and Bozo, to "Get the Geek".
The goons toss Melvin into a drum of toxic waste, leaving him for dead. In an incredible coincidence, Sarah happens to walk by on her way home. Never ones to pass up the opportunity to sexually harass someone, the goons taunt Sarah, who immediately faints. As she does, a large, terrifying roar shakes the air. And up from the smoking green slime emerges The Toxic Avenger, a large, green mutant with a hideously deformed face and a ripped, superhero body. The Toxic Avenger sees the unconscious Sarah and informs the goons that they're in deep trouble. He then proceeds to rip them to shreds. The Toxic Avenger scoops Sarah up and carries her off to her pattern-challenged apartment. When she awakens, the mutant confesses that he's toxic. She assumes that that's a French name and she decided to nickname him Toxie. He is delighted until she asks to touch his face. He refuses, stating that he has horrible acne. Sarah then invites him back for brunch tomorrow, and after he leaves she phones her two best friends to brag about her smokin' hunk of a hero.
In the streets of Tromaville, Toxie pines for his love. When Toxie arrives home, Ma Ferd comes upon her transformed son and expresses her lifelong disappointment in him. Desperate for help, he goes to their primary care HMO physician ("Big Green Freak"), who sends him to Tromaville's leading ethical mad-scientist, Professor Ken, who reveals that the only thing that can kill Toxie is household bleach. Back in her apartment, Sarah is dictating a fantastic idea for a best- selling memoir. Toxie visits but tells her he can't stay long because he's on a mission to single-handedly remove every vile vat of toxic waste from Tromaville. As Sarah tries to seduce Toxie, he confesses that he's never actually been on a date with a girl. Turned on by his virginity, Sarah joins Toxie in expressing their newfound feelings.
Down at the Tromaville docks, the Mayor supervises the unloading of a huge shipment of toxic waste. But Toxie foils her plan, and he reveals that he's actually Melvin Ferd the Third. Not one to let a superhero mutant freak get the better of her, the Mayor vows to destroy him. But to her dismay, Toxie quickly becomes a folk hero to the people of Tromaville. The Mayor barges into Professor Ken's lab, insisting he tell her how to kill the mutant. Professor Ken refuses, but the Mayor overwhelms him with her incredible sex appeal. At Tromaville Beauty Salon, Melvin's beleaguered mother is informed by her two hairdressers - Lorenzo and Lamas - that her childhood enemy, none other than the Mayor, is coming to see her. Determined to find the whereabouts of Melvin, the Mayor corners Ma and the two women brawl ("Bitch/Slut/Liar/Whore"). Back at her apartment, Sarah grows increasingly frustrated with her fruitless attempts to seduce Toxie. But with the Mayor closing in, Toxie tells Sarah he must leave Tromaville. Before he goes, he reveals his true identity. Sarah is flabbergasted but vows to love him anyway - that is until she touches his face, at which point she tearfully suggests that they both start seeing other handicapped people. Hurt and angry, Toxie takes to the street and brutally kills an adorable senior citizen, Edna Ferbert. But the heartbroken Toxie cannot sustain the beast within. At the library, Ma Ferd finds Sarah crying, but Ma convinces the sobbing librarian that her mutant son isn't that much different from other men. In an inspiring and beautiful moment of human understanding, they reflect of how "All Men Are Freaks".
On the steps of City Hall, the Mayor rallies both citizens of Tromaville to form a drunken, frenzied lynch mob. The chase ensues, encompassing everyone in Tromaville, until Toxie is cornered. But just as the Mayor is about to extinguish him with bleach, Sarah rushes in and fires several gun shots, every one of them missing the Mayor. Fortunately, one shot eventually hits the Mayor, but not before Toxie has been hit with bleach. Toxie crumples and dies in Sarah's arms. As the librarian weeps, Ma Ferd rushes in with the one thing that can save him- the most vile, disgusting liquid on Earth- a glass of water from the Hudson River. As Tromaville reacts with unmitigated joy, Toxie comes to and vows to kill all polluters and end global warming. And one year later on election night, Ma Ferd introduces the new first family of New Jersey- Governor Toxie Ferd the Third, his beautiful wife Sarah, and their adorable blind, green baby, Toxie Jr. All look ahead to a glorious future for their beloved state.
- Who Will Save New Jersey? - Melvin, Company
- Jersey Girl - Mayor, Waste Management Executives
- Get the Geek - Mayor, Sluggo, Bozo
- Kick Your Ass - Toxie
- My Big French Boyfriend - Sarah, Shinequa, Diane
- Thank God She's Blind - Toxie
- Big Green Freak - Little Old Lady, Dr. Fishbein, Mayor, Professor Ken, Toxie
- Choose Me, Oprah! - Sarah, Shinequa, Diane
- Hot Toxic Love - Toxie, Sarah
- The Legend of the Toxic Avenger - Folk Singer, Toxie
- Evil is Hot - Mayor, Professor Ken
- Bitch/Slut/Liar/Whore - Mayor, Ma Ferd
- Everybody Dies! - Toxie
- You Tore My Heart Out - Toxie
- All Men Are Freaks - Ma Ferd, Sarah, Shinequa, Diane
- The Chase - Company
- Hot Toxic Love (Reprise) - Sarah
- A Brand New Day in New Jersey - Toxie, Sarah, Company
- Melvin Ferd the Third/The Toxic Avenger
- Sarah the Blind Librarian
- Mayor Babs Belgoody
- Ma Ferd
- A Nun
- White Dude
- Black Dude